The role of a winner

The point of etiquette is not to impress people but to make them feel at ease, says Jill Bremer, a certified image consultant with Bremer Communications, an etiquette consulting firm in Oak Park, Ill. And how you put people at ease depends on the situation.

"In life, we all have a variety of roles," she says. "We play different parts at different times. These different parts call for different costumes and scripts. How you speak, act and dress depend on which role you're playing. [They] also depend on the setting and, especially, your audience."

In other words, you would dress and act differently for dinner at a four-star restaurant with a potential client than you would on a rooftop with your workers. In either scenario, your attention to detail could determine whether your "audience"—a potential client or employee—applauds your performance.

Practicing proper etiquette won't win you any awards, but it will give you an edge among clients, colleagues, employees and others who could affect your company's bottom line. In short, manners matter. The following primer on business etiquette aims to help you and your company set the stage for success.

Scene: the business lunch
Role: the hospitable host

Meeting people outside your usual business environment enables you to establish a rapport that can lead to stronger working relationships, says Gloria Petersen, founder of Global Protocol Inc., a professional development company in Chicago.

It's an opportunity to learn how others think, to know the personalities behind the news in your industry and, over time, to turn contacts into loyal customers, Petersen explains.

If your table manners are weak, you could end up with egg on your face—literally and figuratively. But if you know the proper protocol of restaurant entertaining, you will radiate confidence, create a positive impression, and gain and keep clients.

"If you're the one who extends the invitation, it's your responsibility to choose the restaurant," Petersen states. "The restaurant should be easy for your client to get to and accommodate any dietary restrictions or preferences your client may have."

Bremer suggests making a few restaurant suggestions and allowing the client to select among them. Be familiar with the restaurants' atmospheres and menus to avoid unpleasant surprises. If a restaurant accepts reservations, be sure to make them. On the day of your lunch, call your client in the morning and confirm the time and place.

Defer to your client about smoking. If the client smokes and you don't, Bremer believes you should sit in the smoking section if you can tolerate it. If you smoke but the client doesn't, request a nonsmoking table. Smokers should wait until a meal's completion and ask permission from others at the table before lighting up.

Before ordering, your client may ask you for some recommendations. By doing this, "They're trying to get a sense of the price range with which you're comfortable," Petersen explains. When your server takes orders, allow the client to go first.

Petersen believes mealtime is more about bonding than business. "Unless your client brings it up first, you should wait until the entrees are removed and dessert and coffee have been offered before you discuss business," she advises.

If the client seems eager to discuss business sooner, do so. But if the discussion will require you to litter the table with folders and papers, suggest waiting.

Meanwhile, focus on getting to know your client, but avoid subjects that are too personal. Sports, movies, literature, travel and current events that won't incite political debates are appropriate topics of conversation.

Regardless of rank or gender, whoever extended the invitation to lunch or dinner pays.

"This causes more confusion than you might think, especially if you're a woman dealing with an older male client," Petersen explains. "He may be following a more traditional code of ethics. But this is a business meeting, not a date. And if a woman is denied her responsibility of picking up the check, she surrenders some control."

If the check accidentally is given to a client, inform him or her that the meal is your company's treat. Petersen says: "You should never say, ‘It's my treat.' It's much easier for a person to accept a free meal from a company than from [a person]."

To avoid confusion, Bremer suggests you arrive 10 minutes before your reservation, find out who your server will be, and give him or her your credit card. Or simply inform your server the bill should come to you.

Scene: the business lunch
Role: the gracious guest

As a guest, how you dress for a business lunch depends on whom and where you are meeting.

When Rob McNamara left his private law practice to take over his father's Milwaukee-based roofing business, F.J.A. Christiansen Roofing Co. Inc., he suddenly had a wider range of choices in work attire.

"Being an attorney was strictly a suit-and-tie affair," McNamara says. "But in the roofing business, your dress and demeanor depend more on the context."

In any context, underdressing may project sloppiness, disrespect and a lack of professionalism and overdressing may suggest you're prideful or "not hands-on enough," McNamara warns. Work boots or wingtips: That is the question.

Petersen believes your host's restaurant choice will help you decide how to dress. If you're still unsure, call the restaurant and ask about appropriate attire.

Getting dirty may be the nature of your business, and a "dirty" contractor is a stereotype many potential clients and business associates hold. But try not to perpetuate this stereotype.

"If you're coming directly from a job site, bring a change of shoes in the car," Petersen advises. "You also could keep a sport coat in the car to ‘dress up' your appearance."

If you recently visited a job site, scrub your hands before lunch and other meetings by using a nailbrush if necessary.

"You don't want to be shaking hands or passing the bread basket with dirty nails," Petersen adds.

Once you are seated, place your napkin in your lap. If you must leave the table during a meal, place your napkin on your chair, which signifies to your server you're not done eating.

When your server arrives for your drink order, your host may ask if you'd like a cocktail. For a typical lunchtime meeting, Petersen believes alcohol is inappropriate because you likely will return to work. In addition to calling your work ethics into question, ordering a drink in the middle of a day and returning to work with alcohol on your breath could offend or even endanger workers, particularly at a job site. For an after-work engagement, ordering a drink is acceptable if your host offers, but limit yourself to two.

Scan the menu for something easy to eat so you can carry on a conversation throughout the meal. "Don't order anything too crunchy or messy, and avoid food that you eat with your hands, such as fried chicken," Bremer suggests.

In a formal table setting, start by using the utensils furthest from your plate and work your way in as the meal progresses. For example, the small fork furthest to the left of your plate is used for the salad course; the larger fork closest to your plate is for the main course. You may find a soupspoon to the far right of your plate with a teaspoon to its left followed by a knife. Sometimes, a fork and spoon are placed horizontally above your plate; reserve these for dessert and coffee. Your bread plate goes to the left above your plate; your drinking glasses go to the right.

"At the conclusion of a meal, imagine your dinner plate as a clock and place your fork and knife in the 4:20 position," Bremer explains. (This would be the appropriate time to discuss business.) At the meal's completion, your loosely folded napkin goes to the left of your plate.

Don't undermine your host's generosity by offering to split the check or pay for the tip.

"And don't ask to have your food packaged to take home," Petersen adds. "You didn't pay for it, so you really have no business taking it with you."

A final step is following up by writing a handwritten note or e-mail thanking your host. This final step to a business lunch will take you five minutes but will create a lasting impression because others often overlook it.

Scene: first-time encounter
Setting: a client's turf

Although the goal of etiquette isn't to impress, first impressions certainly can help or hinder business. Something as simple as an introductory handshake can set the tone for an entire working relationship. Just ask NRCA Vice President Lisa Sprick, vice president of Sprick Roofing Co. Inc., Corvallis, Ore. When a man shakes Sprick's hand, she often feels as though she's been offered a dead guppy instead of a greeting.

"I can't stand a wimpy handshake," she says. "I think a lot of men are raised to be gentle with women, so they're afraid to give a firm handshake. But right away, a limp handshake sends a message that they perceive me as weak, and that perception may spill over into our business dealings."

Your overall appearance sends signals, as well.

"When people meet you, they're looking for visual reassurances that you're the right contractor for the job," Petersen says. "Clean hands and hair, tidy clothes and overall good grooming are visual reassurances that put people at ease."

Bremer puts it more succinctly, "People notice shoes; people notice hands; people notice teeth."

Just as you would for a lunch meeting, scrub your hands, clean your nails thoroughly and have a clean pair of loafers to slip on before entering a client's home or office. If you drive a company vehicle, it, too, should be clean.

Although appearance is important, "I think people are much more impressed with what you know than what you wear," says Jamie McAdam, vice president of F.J. Dahill Co. Inc., New Haven, Conn. "People skills are important in our field. You need to be able to explain things to people at their level—an average homeowner doesn't know a lot about roofing. It's your job to explain things in terms they can understand."

It's also your job to listen.

"Find out what the problem is and address that specific problem; don't try to sell them something else they don't need," McAdam adds. "Offer solutions, and come through in a timely fashion. And don't make promises you can't keep."

Scene: first-time encounter
Setting: your turf

The telephone often is a client's first link to your company, so your receptionist and outgoing voice-mail message should sound polished, polite and professional.

"Clients will make up their minds about you based on that first telephone call," McAdam notes. "You should have a speedy turnaround time—I'd say no more than 24 hours when returning a call. If you don't return calls promptly, people's perceptions of you change for the worse."

When you're expecting visitors at the office, you take on the role of "stage manager." Be mindful of backgrounds and props. Provide a clean and inviting reception area with comfortable chairs and perhaps some company literature or industry-related reading material. Guests shouldn't be subjected to long waits, especially if they're customers. But if a delay is unavoidable, make sure coffee or water is offered.

As host, it's your duty to initiate a handshake as a gesture of welcome. You also should shake hands as you bid farewell. Always stand up to shake hands.

In general, formal introductions are based on rank; you begin the introduction by saying the highest-ranking person's name first: "Ms. Senior Executive, I'd like to introduce Mr. Junior Executive." However, clients and customers outrank every employee in your organization.

If you're holding a meeting, provide a written agenda—using e-mail is fine—in advance. "Be specific as to what you're discussing so people can be prepared," Petersen says. "Otherwise, you're wasting your time and theirs."

A meeting facilitator should make sure a meeting starts and ends on time. The longest you should wait for any stragglers is 10 minutes. Don't interrupt the meeting to brief latecomers about what they have missed. They can be briefed afterward.

"Invite input, and thank people for their contributions and ideas even if you don't agree with them," Petersen advises.

Keep things moving. If someone is monopolizing the conversation, it may be necessary to interrupt. Even blowhards need to pause for breath, and that's your opportunity to move in with what Petersen calls a "slider," such as "I'd like to add ... " or "That's a good point; however ... ."

Your role

Your role as diplomat extends beyond the meeting room into every setting in the business world, including business lunches and sales presentations.

"Diplomacy is difficult to master," Petersen says. "But it's the key to making other people comfortable around you."

And putting people at ease is, after all, the primary purpose of etiquette.

Dawn Klingensmith is a free-lance writer based in Chicago.